Bowden McElroy and Associates, LLC

marriage counselingMarriage Counseling

Marriage counseling, Couples therapy, Relationship counseling: all are different names for the same thing. Sometimes two people bring out the best in each other, other times they bring out the worst. Marriage counseling helps a couple function as a team allowing differences to complement one another instead of tearing them apart.

Marriage counseling is about the dynamic relationship between the two of you. It is not about agreeing with one partner and blaming the other. Relationship counseling means focusing on how YOU can change the relationship, not how to make your partner change. Couples counseling works best if both partners are present but we can still focus on the marriage even if only one spouse comes to counseling.

I can help you and your partner

  • Strengthen your marriage
  • Communicate better
  • Function as a Team
  • Create a common vision for how you both want your marriage to be
  • Find a parenting style you both agree on
  • Solve problems together
  • Agree on the same money management philosophy
  • Increase trust
  • Recover from an affair

I can also help even if only one person wants to work on improving the marriage.

How Do You Know If It’s Time for Marriage Counseling?

marriage counseling couple1. When you no longer talk to each other. No one likes arguments that escalate. Some couples will use avoidance as a means to manage the anger and frustration in the relationship.  Avoiding certain topics – or just avoiding talking at all – will kill your marriage just as surely as escalation it just takes longer.

2. When you talk but it’s always negative. Once problems start couples tend to put on dark-colored glasses: Everything is negative. If you have forgotten why you got married in the first place and can only see the negative, it may be time for marriage counseling.

3. When you keep secrets from your spouse. There is a truism among marriage counselors, the more secrets you have, the more dysfunctional the marriage.

4. When you convince yourself everything would be fine if only he/she would change. Marriage is working together.  But the only thing you have actual control over is you. No one has successfully managed to make their spouses change.

5. When you have the same argument over and over. On the surface, arguments can be about any number of topics.  The reason some arguments keep going around and around is that you have never uncovered the issues that are underneath. It is those deeper, unresolved issues that keep arguments alive.

Other articles on marriage.

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Executive Tower I (71st and Yale)
7136 S. Yale, Suite 300
Tulsa,Oklahoma 74136

Phone: 918.346.3665
Fax: 539.202.6455 (539 is a Tulsa area code)

Email: bowden@bowdenmcelroy.com

AAMFT Clinical Fellow

“Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside.”

-Frank Pittman

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